7 Things I’ve learn in my 1st year of marriage

That went fast! I’ve been married to my wife Megan for a year now. I can still remember waking up at 6:00am to get Chick Fila for breakfast before my wedding (and I had Chick Fila for dinner the same day-Iam kind of obsessed). The wedding day goes by so fast. You plan, run around, drop a ton of money, and stress out for months just for a few hours. The day flies by. One minute you’re about to go out to stand at the altar, the next you’re married for a year. 

Marriage is a beautiful thing. It’s a gift from God himself. It’s a picture of his love for us. You get to share life with your best friend. It’s amazing. I’ve learned and grown a ton just this year by being married to Megan. Here are somethings I’ve learned.

1. Marriage is fun: Chris Rock is wrong. Marriage is fun. You get to travel, laugh with, sleep with, and just live life with your wife. It’s a lot of laughing, eating good food, and sharing jokes with one another. Marriage is anything but boring. 

2. Marriage is hard: Marriage is really hard. But really worth it. Things that are had are usually the most rewarding. In marriage you have two people, with two different backgrounds, two different ways of communicating, different struggles, different stresses, and different pet-peeves. It’s two selfish people coming together. Of course it’s going to be hard. 

3. Communication is important: 95% of our fights have been because of lack of communication. I thought one thing, she thought another, we never expressed our thoughts or intentions clearly, and then an argument breaks in. Don’t just assume the other person can read your mind. Invite the other person into your thought process, explain whats going on, and be clear in communication.

4. Sacrifice is key: If both people are selfish it will be a long and draining relationship. Frankly, sometimes you don’t feel like serving the other person. It’s been a long day, a hard day, a tiring day, and a stressful day. The last thing you want to do is listen to there other person telling of their day, clean the dishes, clean your pets, make dinner (well Megan does this), and whatever other chore you do around the house. However, when both spouses sacrifice, love is most clear and evident. That’s what marriage is all about, serving, caring for, and loving one another just as Jesus has done all those things for you.

5. Your spouse won’t complete you: Do you feel compatible with your spouse? Yes! However, your spouse can’t save you, and complete you. Only Jesus can do that. Asking your spouse to do that is unfair. It’s to big of a burden. That is a God sized burden. Your spouse will fail you, sin against you, make you mad, be selfish, and let you down. God won’t let you down. Jesus completes you. When you realize this you won’t crush your spouse when she/he fails. You’ll be able to extend grace and compassion. 

6. Community is helpful: It’s good to be supportive of one another, care for one another, and love one a another. It’s really helpful though, to have a community of friends to live life with. Other people who love you and your spouse, can pray for you, ask you hard questions, and lovingly point out need for growth. 

7. Sex in marriage is better: Sex was created for marriage. It’s the ultimate commitment. Sex is beautiful in marriage. It’s being totally exposed to the other person, letting them in the deepest parts of your soul, and expressing your love and commitment to that person in a way words can describe. The myth is that married couples don’t have sex a lot. Not true. There is no guilt and shame when sex is done in marriage. Rather, it is celebrated. 

 

 

Join Jesus

Jesus hates cancer.

Jesus desires the freedom of all 27 millions slaves in the world.

Jesus cares for the widow.

Jesus loves orphans. 

Jesus gives hope to the poor.

Jesus despises poverty. 

Jesus has redemption for addicts.

Jesus has compassion on those sexually assaulted. 

Will his people have the same heart, and live a Kingdom reflecting life?

Reaching the next generation

Reaching the next generation is key. It’s huge. The next generation of high-school and college students turn into future doctors, professors, congressmen, CEO’s, and lawyers. They will be the ones innovating, leading, and having impact on society. 

The fact is that most young urbanites in specific, and the younger generation in general have no interest in organized religion. They see the Bible as regressive, the church as irrelevant, and Jesus as illogical. We don’t live in a Christian culture where certain morals are presupposed. Things like homosexuality, pre-marital sex, and abortion are heavily debated within culture. Most of the younger generation have a less than conservative position on those topics. The younger generation values autonomy, freedom, justice, and education. We live in a very individualistic culture, just take a look on Twitter. 

We must address and engage in a couple of key discussions if we hope to reach the next generation:

1. Sexuality. 

We need to know what the Bible says about issues such as gender roles, dating, singleness, marriage, homosexuality, adultery, and pre-marital sexuality. However, we also need to be able to say “why” the Bible calls certain sexual actions “sin.” They need reasoning. They need to know what’s bad about it, and how that actually has either a negative or positive impact on there lives. 

2. Relativism 

The belief that all beliefs are of equal truth, importance, and value. This has become a predominant belief in our culture, especially among the younger crowd. We need to be able to engage the falseness of post-modern philosophy. All belief’s are not the same. All belief’s are not true. Not all belief systems say the same thing. Not all belief systems allow for an inclusive salvation.

3. Church isn’t boring.

The younger generation is convinced all churches are the same. That is to say: all churches are boring. They sure as heck shouldn’t. The gathering of Jesus’ redeemed people should be anything but boring. It should be an authentic, life-giving, non-judgmental community and culture. Church gatherings should be accessible, beautiful, thought-provoking, engaging, relevant, and centered on the radical grace of Jesus. We need more churches that are contextualized to reach this generation of doubters and skeptics. The church should be a welcoming community, a humble community, a gracious community. It should be a place where doubters and seekers can belong before they believe or behave. 

BIG QUESTION

People vary on politics, religion, and psychology. Different camps give different opinions on the question: “what is wrong with the world?” It’s a question of extreme relevancy. It’s a timeless question. How we answer the question shapes how we view the world. Our hearts long for a world of perfection. A world where peace, justice, beauty, and love reign. Something deep within us tells us the world is not ideal. It’s not the way it should be. Something is wrong. Some people try to write off that desire. Saying its a mere opinion. However, that is less that satisfactory. Justice an opinion? Peace an opinion? 

We can glance around the news, magazine articles, and step outside and see the brokenness of our beautiful world. Tragic events such as the Boston Marathon Bombing, Sandy Hook Shooting, and the Aurora Theatre Shooting give us glimpses of the wrongness in the world. Our desire and hope for the evil to stop, and for things to be made right is not just a mere opinion. It’s true. It’s good. It’s right. 

The reason we desire a perfect world without evil is because: we were created for one. We were created to dwell in a perfect world with no school-shootings, no terrorism, no rape, no lies, no divorce, and no death. As JRR Tolkien said, “We all long for [Eden], and we are constantly glimpsing it: our whole nature…is still soaked with the sense of exile.”

Eden. We all long for it. We miss it. We need it. We hope for it. Eden is the place where we were created for. It’s the place of perfection on earth. It’s where the goodness of the Lord dwells. A place where God’s righteousness and peace rules. God’s Kingdom is in its fulness in Eden. 

The Bible uses this imagery that we are East of Eden. East of Eden? This means we aren’t there. Something happened. Sin. We were created to live life with God in his perfect world. We chose sin. We said “no thanks.” This changed everything. Corruption, deceit, brokenness, and death entered. Humanity was banished from Eden. East of the perfect rule of God. It only went down from there. What started with a couple….spread. It spread to brothers, to cities, to nations, and to the world. Sin. It’s a disease humanity has all tasted. A disease we all have. We know it. We regret decisions. We do things we know we shouldn’t. We think evil things, and practice corrupt actions. 

East of Eden is the Anti-Kingdom. Where peace, justice, and love don’t reign. Instead, jealousy, hate, envy, covertness, and corruption reign. The reason the world is the way it is because of sin. When Jesus came to earth he announced, “Repent, for the Kingdom of Heaven is here.” Jesus came to redeem, restore, and renew the world. He came to bring us back to Eden. He prayed that heaven would come to earth. He is doing away with sin and evil. He is bringing a new world. The announcement of resurrection is that sin and death won’t win. Jesus wins. Love wins. God’s dream for this world is perfection. The Kingdom of God is the good life with God. It’s the New Eden. It’s a place where God dwells with people in perfection and unity. It’s the world we long for. Free of sin, evil, and death. It’s a place Jesus invites us to be apart of. 

 

Most helpful reads

Here are my most influential, favorite, and helpful books I’ve read since being in seminary:

10. Church Planter by Darrin Patrick: http://www.amazon.com/Church-Planter-The-Message-Mission/dp/1433515768/ref=sr_1_1?ie=UTF8&qid=1366396741&sr=8-1&keywords=church+planter

9. A Survey of The Old Testament by Hill and Walton: http://www.amazon.com/Survey-Old-Testament-Andrew-Hill/dp/0310280958/ref=sr_1_2?s=books&ie=UTF8&qid=1366396800&sr=1-2&keywords=survey+of+old+testament+introduction

8. Real Marriage by Mark Driscoll: http://www.amazon.com/Real-Marriage-Truth-Friendship-Together/dp/1400205387/ref=sr_1_1?s=books&ie=UTF8&qid=1366396853&sr=1-1&keywords=real+marriage

7. Mere Christianity by CS Lewis: http://www.amazon.com/Mere-Christianity-C-S-Lewis/dp/0060652926

6. Deep Church by Jim Belcher: http://www.amazon.com/Deep-Church-Beyond-Emerging-Traditional/dp/0830837167/ref=sr_1_1?s=books&ie=UTF8&qid=1366396935&sr=1-1&keywords=Deep+church

5. Deep and Wide by Andy Stanley: http://www.amazon.com/Deep-Wide-Creating-Churches-Unchurched/dp/0310494842/ref=sr_1_1?s=books&ie=UTF8&qid=1366396971&sr=1-1&keywords=deep+and+wide

4. What is The Gospel? By Greg Gilbert: http://www.amazon.com/What-Gospel-9Marks-Greg-Gilbert/dp/1433515008/ref=sr_1_1?s=books&ie=UTF8&qid=1366397016&sr=1-1&keywords=what+is+the+gospel

3. The Meaning of Marriage: http://www.amazon.com/Meaning-Marriage-Facing-Complexities-Commitment/dp/0525952470

2. Sticky Teams by Larry Osborne: http://www.amazon.com/Sticky-Teams-Keeping-Leadership-Staff/dp/0310324645

1. The Reason for God by Tim Keller: http://www.amazon.com/Reason-God-Belief-Age-Skepticism/dp/1594483493/ref=sr_1_1?s=books&ie=UTF8&qid=1366397104&sr=1-1&keywords=reason+for+god

Tolerance, Inclusivity, and the myth behind it.

Cultural outlook

Our culture celebrates tolerance, acceptance, and inclusiveness. In the United States especially amongst my generation, we hope for justice, freedom, love, and acceptance. For the most part my generation is turned off by people who are judgmental, hold too traditional beliefs, and conservative values. 

The Demand of Acceptance

In recent news, Howard Shultz the CEO of Starbucks told a stockholder that if he opposed gay marriage he could take his stocks elsewhere. The interesting thing about our culture is that it demands inclusiveness. We demand the acceptance, equality, and freedom of all beliefs and lifestyles. However, when a more exclusive belief system that adheres to absolute truths, and more historic values, we demand them to be more inclusive. There is a contradiction deep within this logic. An inclusive culture must be accepting of all beliefs. Even beliefs they don’t personally hold too. This would include more traditional beliefs such as Christianity, Judaism, and Islam. To demand other groups to be non-discrimative and then you discriminate against them is hypocritical, and unjust. 

The Contradiction of Inclusivity

The truth is that no one is really fully inclusive. Even post-moderns. We’re all exclusive in our beliefs. You can’t be fully inclusive in your beliefs. Some belief systems don’t believe in full inclusivity. Therefore, it puts us in a predicament. It is intolerance to demand one group of people be inclusive (accepting of all) while you practice exclusivity (not accepting of all). Everyone is exclusive. It’s how you treat people who believe different than you that matters. When Christians are exclusive the world demands Christians to be inclusive. When the world is exclusive against Christians and there beliefs, no one demands they be inclusive toward Christians. That’s not consistent, fair, or inline with freedom of speech/religion.

The Real Question

I am all for everyone being valued, respected, and treated fairly. Even those who have different beliefs and practices then me. I believe God created them with worth and dignity. And that I am called to love them as my neighbor, and treat them with the same respect I would want to be treated with. We are all exclusive. We all should also be tolerant. I don’t believe tolerance doesn’t mean you’re not exclusive. Or that you don’t have beliefs. As Tim Keller says, “tolerance isn’t about not having beliefs, its about how your beliefs lead you to treat people who disagree with you.” As a Christian I believe Jesus is radically exclusive. He stated he is “the way the truth and the life, no one comes to the Father except by him.” I truly believe he is the only hope for the redemption of every human. At the same time he is radically inclusive. He is for everyone. “For God so loved the world, that he gave his only Son. That whoever believes in him shall not perish, but have eternal life.” That is the beauty of Jesus. He is our only hope. But he came for everyone. Every person. Every background. Every different religious person. Every different political party. So, the question isn’t are you exclusive. Because we all are. The question is “how do you treat people who have different beliefs than you?” And in Christianity we see firsthand how Jesus did. With love. With respect. With humility. With peace. He died for his enemies. His followers then should be marked with an attractive humility that is rooted in grace and truth. Realizing that we have freedom. We live in a county that allows freedom of beliefs. Whatever beliefs we have we should treat others with respect, dignity, and love. 

Sabbath

Sabbath. That word is confusing. I remember when I first became a Christian and started reading the Bible. I loved it, I couldn’t get enough of it. I can recall reading through the 10 Commandments. I saw the relevancy of not murdering, not lying, not cheating on your spouse, loving God, and obeying your parents. However, the Sabbath didn’t make a whole lot of sense. Most people that I’ve encountered don’t see the relevancy of observing/obeying the Sabbath. 

Brief Snapshot of the Sabbath in history:

In the Old Testament Sabbath was a day of rest. 

“Remember the Sabbath day, to keep it holy. Six days you shall labor, and do all your work, but the seventh day is a Sabbath to the LORD your God. On it you shall not do any work, you, or your son, or your daughter, your male servant, or your female servant, or your livestock, or the sojourner who is within your gates. For in six days the LORD made heaven and earth, the sea, and all that is in them, and rested on the seventh day. Therefore the LORD blessed the Sabbath day and made it holy.”
(Exodus 20:8-11 ESV)

It was a day where the nation of Israel as a community of individuals rested. They stopped working. This was hard for them. We have two days of rest in our American culture. You usually work Monday-Friday and have Saturday-Sunday off to relax. The Israelites had a different perspective on work and rest. The Jews we’re recently freed from hundreds of years of oppression and slavery. They worked non-stop. All they knew was wake up and work, do it again the next day. Now God redeems and establishes this new country. This country of recently freed slaves who only knew work. He then gives them a command to rest, take a day off, relax. This was countercultural to there very identity. If you didn’t work you didn’t eat. This was profoundly confusing and innovative for the Israelite people. 

Jesus and Sabbath:

Jesus had some battles with a group of scholars called Pharisees. They were the religious gurus and leaders of the first century Jews. They had beef with Jesus over this issue of Sabbath. Jesus would heal someone, or his disciples would pick grain on the Sabbath, and they would get angry. Jesus at the end of one of his dialogues with the Pharisees says this, 

And he said to them, “The Sabbath was made for man, not man for the Sabbath. So the Son of Man is lord even of the Sabbath.”
(Mark 2:27-28 ESV)

This is profound. Jesus’ statement is revolutionary. Jesus is saying that God didn’t give the Sabbath as another rule because we needed more to obey. He is saying that the Sabbath was created for our good. God actually made this day of rest and refreshment for us because he loves us. This gives us a different perspective on Sabbath. It’s not just some rule. It’s profound. It’s life-giving. It’s God’s kindness and grace to us. 

Sabbath implications:

On the Sabbath- we hear again that our worth and value do not come from what we make, produce, or accomplish.

On the Sabbath- we ask the question: what feeds our soul? And then we do that.

On the Sabbath- we are reminded that we are not human doings, but human beings.

On Sabbath- our work is done even if it isn’t.

On-Sabbath-we remember God created the world and then rested. 

On-Sabbath-we enjoy the gifts God has given us.

On Sabbath-we spend time relaxing with loved ones.

On Sabbath-we look forward to the future rest Jesus promises us.

Sabbath. A beautiful, complex, profound gift from God. We live in a culture that sometimes just never steps back and breathes. With technology we can bring our work on vacation, to our kids sporting events, and on date night with our wife. Sabbath calls us to step back, rest, and enjoy this precious thing God has given us called life.